The Great Victory

With my plans in Houston completely coming to a close, I returned to Tomball with very little planned for the rest of the summer. Immediately when I returned, I began to spend a large amount of time with two very encouraging, uplifting, and godly friends of mine. A few days after I returned, we decided to take a week camping trip to Colorado to have some fun!

We cruised for 17 hours with worship music as the terrain changed from farmland to a jaw-dropping scene of mountains. Driving with my friends, I began to take a step back and think about the moment I was caught in. Here I was, spending time with friends, on my way to Colorado, something two months ago I would not have envisioned happening. Joy overflowed from my heart. We finally arrived and decided to camp about 45 minutes outside of Denver. After having a fun night of burgers, music, and "adventures" we decided to hit the sack.

The next morning, I woke up at 5 am, to find my heart and mind flooded with anxiety over a bad dream. As I laid there, beginning to hear the bird's chirp, God beckoned me to spend some time with Him. I grabbed my backpack, strapped on my Chaco's, and headed for a ledge that overlooked the mountains and a lake. As I walked up, completely in silence, I sat down to find myself literally in the presence of the Lord. As I grabbed my bible, and began to read a chapter that laid heavy on my heart... Pslam 139. .

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts."

After reading the chapter out loud, I sat there in silence and began to reflect upon the words.

There is something magnificently beautiful about surrender. So many times, I enter God's presence with the idea of proving to my Father that I am worthy of His affections and love. As women, we are eager to gain approval. From men, friends, society... Am I skinny enough? Pretty enough? Smart enough? Strong enough? Sometimes I find myself slow to accept love from other's yet quick to prove my independence. It's great to be strong, but this summer it truly struck me at my core. Being honest, I could never accept the common term people use of being "romanced by God". For a girl that guarded her heart with all of her strength, and tried to act like I had it all together, I never knew what it was like to truly understand the joy of sitting in the mercy of God. 

That morning, sitting on the grassy hill in the mountains of Colorado, God softened my heart. I felt what it was like to be romanced by my Father. To open the areas of my heart that were locked flew open. I had nothing to prove to God, for he knew my anxious thoughts. He had knit me in my mother's womb.  He had thoroughly examined my heart. God was eager to make known to me exactly who He is: merciful, redemptive and patient.

Everyday I battle with giving up to the Lord all of my "strength" and constant need to prove myself, to Him or others. What do we have to prove anyway? God knows us at our core. He knows everything. What joy that should bring us!

The real victory in life has nothing to do with what we can do or prove. If we can boast in one thing, it's the gospel. A story of a man who walked the Earth, fully God, and saved humanity from the burden of sin.

As sons and daughters of God, I feel as if we very quickly forget the essence of the gospel. The story of God's Son that suffered, ached, and carried the cross to Calvary for every sin we would ever commit. We so easily forget that we can’t, earn, gain, or prove to God our worthiness for Him. As His daughter I still come timid to the throne, feeling if I was just a "strong" woman, I would be worthy. How freeing it is to feel, know and dance in the love and freedom of our Father. Let us live in that victory.